In searching for information about Connection a year or two ago, I was happily introduced to the work of Dr. Brené Brown, who calls herself a vulnerability researcher or a shame researcher. At first I thought it was an odd topic, but as I listened to her TED talks (2010 talk on vulnerability and 2012 talk on shame), I realized I had stumbled upon a treasure trove of research that supports my message that Connection is critical to our happiness and sense of well-being. In her first TED talk, she cites the research of Daniel Goleman who asserts that “We are hard-wired for connection.”
Since then, I've read everything she has written, and her work has provided me with a remarkable depth of insight into myself as well as effective ways to connect with others that are more empowering and less patronizing. Brené and Oprah recently teamed up to offer a class that explores the principles in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. I joined with my sister and a few friends to go through it together so we could share thoughts, frustrations, and “AHAs,” and that in itself was a wonderful experience. We were all so busy when we took the class late last fall that we're going through it again now to pick up what we missed the first time.
The mantra of the class—and this is what I want to commend to you today— is:
“I'm imperfect and I'm enough!”
I have rarely suffered from a lack of self esteem. Yet as I read the book and did the lessons in the class, I became keenly aware of many ways and times over the course of my life that I had, indeed, acted — or failed to act — based on what I wanted others to think of me rather than what I really felt or wanted. Our culture is a landmine of times when we compare ourselves unfavorably to others, we make ourselves miserable to please others, and we fail to live an authentic wholehearted life.
In the picture above, I've written the mantra on my hand:
“I'm imperfect but I'm enough!”
Now I'm writing it on my heart, and it changes everything about my ability to show compassion to myself and others.
Explore Brené Brown's books on Amazon below. You'll discover the good side of being vulnerable and learn to embrace your own definition of wholehearted living with confidence and courage.
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How often we don’t try things because we feel we won’t be good enough. Applying for a new job, watercolors, learning a language, writing, editing, the list goes on. Yeah, you might try a new activity – golf for instance. You realize you are no good, you realize you don’t like it. So try something else, like cycling or roller blading or ballroom dancing. And often, you work a little at it, and you realize you are good! Or, you realize you are bad but you enjoy it anyway! We are all imperfect. Great post, E.
Karen, you are so right. Years ago I learned there is a neuro-transmitter which is stimulated only when we encounter something new. There has probably been a lot of research since then, but I find that works for me. Whenever I am down on myself or in a rut or somehow not functioning at my best, it is time for me to push myself a little with something new. That’s hard to do if I’m feeling “not good enough”. Best thing I have found is to just grit my teeth and go do it anyway. Yep, I’ve fallen on my face, but I’ve also learned to do things I never thought I’d be any good at.
Thanks for the post, Elizabeth.
Ooooh, I’d love to find information about that neurotransmitter, Esther! There is some amazing work going on about the neurochemistry of emotion, and when Daniel Goleman says we’re hardwired for Connection, he isn’t kidding. There are measurable changes in electrophysiology and neurochemistry with everything from stress to loneliness. I’m not at all surprised to learn there’s one for encountering something new. Because in evolutionary terms, that’s stressful! Thanks so much for sharing that info.
These are great examples, Karen. Yes, we are all imperfect, and when we can really embrace that, it first changes how we feel about and treat ourselves and that, I believe, directly affects how we treat others. Thanks so much for commenting. I’m really glad you liked the post.
Love the concepts you are exploring. I will read more, think more and no doubt write my own take on my 90 second radio show, Consider This with Annette Petrick. A dear friend keeps tell me that at this age, 80% is good enough. That’s hard to accept for someone who has always sought 110%. You’ve got me thinking. And that, after all, is the whole idea, isn’t it?
Thanks so much, Annette. I think you’re absolutely right that these thoughts and feelings are more universal than we might think, as are the wonderful themes you explore in your Consider This radio spots.Thanks for reading and stopping by to comment!
I can relate! And I am going to adopt this mantra!
Thanks, Elizabeth!