Many have tried to define happiness, but the older I get, the more I believe gratitude is at the heart of true happiness. It’s the “secret sauce” that binds everything else together and makes happiness such a delicious state of mind.
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” G.K. Chesterton
Gratitude must be intentional
In our fast-paced culture, it’s easy to get to the end of a busy day and realize we never stopped to be grateful even once, even though at least one of the following took place:
- We woke up.
- We had food to eat.
- We had a roof over our head.
- We had meaningful work.
- We weren’t afraid to leave our house.
- We had access to clean water.
- We enjoyed the benefits of indoor plumbing.
- We passed a beautiful sight sometime today.
- We heard something that made us smile.
- We received a compliment.
- We received a gift.
The tendency to let these treasures go by without noticing them is why developing some kind of gratitude practice is so important. It makes us more mindful of our many blessings and builds a reservoir of good energy inside us to make us more resilient when times are not so good.
Intentional gratitude can involve action or just reflection. Action might include writing letters to say thank you to people who have made a difference in our life or reciprocating a kindness. It might include keeping a gratitude journal or regularly just making a short list of things for which we’re grateful.
Reflection is being aware of those moments of pleasure throughout our day and giving thanks for them.
Why does gratitude make us happier?
Gratitude, at its core, is about connection—connecting with a gift, a feeling, or an experience. Gratitude creates fellowship with the purveyor of that gift, feeling, or experience, whether it is our higher power or another person. Expressing gratitude creates a loving feeling and guards us against taking anything—or anyone—for granted.
Expressing gratitude to someone is, in a very real sense, giving them a gift too!
But who’s happy all the time?
No one.
And the scriptural directive to be thankful in all circumstances is pretty hard to swallow when life throws us a curve, as it has an alarming propensity to do. Yet there is no ambiguity in the directive from St. Paul to the Thessalonians:
“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I Thessalonians 5:18
But I don’t feel grateful!
In an exercise from his book Gratitude Works: a 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity (and presented as an exercise in the November 2014 issue of O Magazine), Robert A. Emmons, PhD. suggests when you don’t feel very grateful, it’s most likely for one or two reasons: malaise (i.e. despondency) or crankiness (irritability, peevishness).
If you’re just feeling down in the dumps, he suggests the next time you enjoy the smallest pleasure, try contemplating what life would be like without it or thinking about how much you would appreciate it if you’d been deprived of it for a long time.
If you’re really feeling cranky, don’t fight it, Emmons says. Everyone has bad days, bad weeks, even bad years. He suggests trying to be grateful for something in the future—something that will bring you beyond—and out of—your current ungrateful feeling. Once psychiatrist Karl A. Menninger was asked what action he would recommend if a person were to feel a nervous breakdown coming on. He said, “Lock up your house, go across the railroad tracks, and find someone in need and do something for him.” Helping someone in need often makes us realize how much we have for which to be thankful.
Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.
~ Fred De Witt Van Amburgh
Celebrate Thanksgiving every day
Thursday of this week is Thanksgiving here in the United States, so it is a great time to count your blessings, but gratitude is beholden to no one’s calendar. Practicing intentional gratitude every day is good for the soul, even if all you can manage right now is a baby step.
Babies keep trying until they’re taking bigger steps.
You can too.
What are you thankful for right now? Take a moment to think about it and give thanks.
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I remember one year, not so long ago, I kept a gratitude jar and put little slips of paper in it with “I am grateful for the beautiful sunrise” and “I am grateful for a lovely day” and “I am grateful for the wonderful roof over my head” and on and on and on. I didn’t add to it every day, but many days I’d add numerous notes. And they were mostly simple things. At the end of the year, that jar was jammed, and I read through them and was grateful all over again. I try to keep that gratefulness in my heart every day.
Am grateful for this message of gratitude Elizabeth! At work this week, my friend and co-worker who manages the fitness program posted on her white board of encouragement “Whether you see your glass as half empty or half full, you can be thankful that you have a glass and that there is something in it!” Now thank we all our God with heart and hands and voices! Hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving Day!
Thank you so much for sharing that wonderful message, Laura! I hope you and yours had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day too. I so appreciate your reading and taking the time to add such meaningful comments.
Absolutely love this and also feel the secret to aging gracefully is feeling gratitude for life’s gifts even when you don’t enjoy getting old!
Thanks, Mom! You’re the epitome of graceful aging and example of someone who is grateful for their blessings.
I’m thankful that I’m thankful for so much! Family, friends, writing, reading, walking in the frost, baking pumpkin pie, sipping tea in front of the fireplace. It’s the ‘real’ things that keep us hugged and happy. Have a Happy THANKFUL Day tomorrow! xo
I know exactly what you mean, Pamela, and I love your list, because it’s exactly the kind of list I want readers to be thinking about — those simple, small things that make life so rich and wonderful! We must not take them for granted, because so many in the world don’t have them.