It’s “Notewriting Day” at Heartspoken.com.

The first Friday of each month this year will focus on reviving the art of personal notewriting. I consider notewriting to be one of the most powerful connection tools available. 

Personal letters and notes usually have a simple purpose such as conveying thanks, news, sympathy, or congratulations, but not always. I recently read a moving and compelling article on the Edutopia website, a resource site for educators. Written by former teacher Elena Aguilar, it expanded my thinking about the purpose a letter can serve.

Teachable moments

Ms. Aguilar was working with a class of high-school-age emerging writers for whom English was their second language and whose writing was years below grade level. One Asian student recounted the heart-breaking story of her father’s brutal treatment years earlier in a Khmer Rouge prison camp in Cambodia. The psychological damage had turned this father into a street-wandering eccentric, yelling to invisible people and intermittently sobbing uncontrollably. The teacher felt her student’s sense of loss at not being able to talk to her father in a meaningful way. Aguilar suggested she write a letter to her father, even if he wouldn’t read it. “You can decide later whether you want to actually give it to him or not.”

Writing to her father seemed to be so therapeutic for this one student that Aguilar wondered if other students might have words and emotions pent up inside they didn’t feel comfortable expressing face-to-face. When she proposed the idea of writing letters to parents or loved ones as a class project, the response was overwhelming.

“They wrote,” Aguilar recalls. “They wrote pages and pages to fathers who had abandoned them, to parents who were in jail, to grandparents in rural villages in foreign countries, to relatives who had died, to older brothers trapped in gangs, to parents who worked long hours or drank too much or just couldn’t understand their emerging teenager.”

The exercise became a regular and popular activity in her classroom. It seemed cathartic for the students, even if they never delivered their letters to the intended recipient. When they chose to share their letters in the classroom, Aguilar reports, “they found commonalities across their languages and backgrounds they hadn’t known existed. Communities were forged through their stories.”

The connection power of a Heartspoken letter

“Communities were forged through their stories.” That sentence touched me deeply as I envisioned this healing connection.

Is there someone to whom you should write a Heartspoken letter? It may be a letter you never mail because that person has died, is absent, or in some way unavailable. Or maybe you will mail it and create a connection you thought was lost forever. Reaching out to a loved one with a handwritten letter might be the best gift you can give yourself this year, even if you never mail it.

Epilogue: Ms. Aguilar heard from her Asian student a few years later when the student was a junior in college. Since that first time in Aguilar’s class, she had written over 500 letters to her father, even though he was still hanging around on street corners, crying and yelling at ghosts of the Khmer Rouge. Inspired by the pain of her childhood and the perspective she gained from writing letters, this student decided to major in South East Asian studies and psychology. “I want to help kids, kids who are like me.”

Have you ever written a letter you never mailed? Tell us about it in the comments area below, or join the conversation on Heartspoken’s Facebook Page.

Photo credit: “Divorce Hurts” by “Pudding” via BigStockPhoto.com.

Seattle, Washington, experienced an unusual snowstorm earlier this month. My brother Bruce Herbert, Founder and Chief Executive of Newground Social Investment, wrote from his Seattle home that while the snow accumulation was only a few inches, the freezing and thawing on Seattle’s steep hills made for hazardous driving conditions. The way Bruce and his wife Nancy spent their day was a wonderful testimony to the power of connection and the enormous satisfaction of extending small gestures of thoughtfulness to others. They managed to connect with both people and nature in such a sweet way. He has given me permission to share his email. The subheadings are mine:

Connecting with others

Yesterday, we had about 3″ at the house, but the storm was remarkably spotty, with other areas getting more than a foot.  It did not snow last night but is snowing again now, so we’ll see what the day brings. I spent the day yesterday focused on community (both human and animal). Starting in late morning I began sweeping and shoveling snow for neighbors – two elderly neighbors, one with a newborn child, and a fourth who wheels our recycling/yard waste bins in for us each week because we usually work late.  Then I did ours – so five in total. Then, because the night before I’d put chains on the car to be ready, I phoned about a dozen elderly friends in our congregation to check in that they were A-okay and to see if they were in need of anything (groceries, a pharmacy run, etc.).  I found all but two at home, and it was lovely feeling their sense of appreciation being looked in on, and a deepening of connection that bucks the tide of isolation stemming from America’s current fascination with the myth of “independence.”

Connecting with nature  

Meanwhile, Nancy was feeding seed and suet to the birds and other critters that enjoy our back yard.  We noticed where I’d swept snow near the house the birds were pressing their heads against the concrete patio to sip from a film of snow-melt – seemingly desperate for water.  So she took a pan of water out, and within a minute, a small flock of 30 robins was there, drinking away.  We’ve never seen so many robins in one spot – it was as if, in the harshness of the weather, the normal rules of competition were set aside and any robin finding sustenance sent out the word for others to also come.  It was certainly fun to watch – the brilliant red so strikingly set against white snow – and a joy to reflect upon the meaning of what we were observing.

Sometimes circumstances such as unusual weather can nudge us out of our routines enough to experience unexpected connections and pleasure. Be open to it!

Photo credits: “Birdbath in Winter” by Madeleine Openshaw and “Cute Robin in Winter” by Eric Gevaert, both via BigStockPhoto

It’s Friday

It’s also 60 degrees and sunny outside, and I’m feeling downright giddy (and silly)!

This short post to end Connect with Nature week here at Heartspoken simply shares the link to a wonderful piece called An Ode to the Titmouse by my friend and Connection Messenger April Moore. Posted last week on her Earth Connection website, it shares some fascinating information about one of my favorite visitors to the bird feeder here in Virginia.

What’s your favorite bird?

What’s your favorite bird to watch at the feeder? Comment below or join the conversation at Heartspoken’s Facebook Page.  Any time of year is a good time to connect with nature.

Ready for more?

Click here for other Connect with Nature posts.

Photo credit: Tufted titmouse by Maria Corcacas, Middletown, NY, via StockXChng

It’s “Connect with Others” Week

The second week of each month this year will focus on “Connect with Others.” Let me start by telling you a true story.

The last month has been, for me, a time of introspection and tough questions.

• What am I really trying to accomplish here at Heartspoken?
• Does it really matter?
• A year from now, will I wonder why I invested so much time and energy in exploring the theme of connection?

Frankly, I was beginning to doubt myself…to suspect that these ideas that all seem so meaningful to me might just be too “loosy goosy” to be helpful for anyone else. I prayed. I meditated. I asked for guidance.

Bang! The guidance came…

The first thing that happened was a message from my new friend Karen Elliott telling me how much my blog had meant to her in the last year. Later that week, on the same day, two different people sent me a link to the powerful 20-minute presentation below given by Dr. Brené Brown. It chronicles her belief in the critical role between connection and happiness, to which she devoted six years of fascinating research that yielded life-changing findings. Getting this video from two different places was, to me, a “hug from God” that seemed to say, “Yes, connection is important.”

The connections are connected…

Please notice the way connection worked for me here: I was connecting with myself (introspection) when my connection with God/Source (prayer/meditation) provided guidance that enhanced my understanding about connection with others (messages and video sent by friends on the topic of connection). The connections are inextricably connected, and each one enhances the others!

So in this first 2012 post about “Connecting with Others” I share this video, because I believe its lessons will help each of you connect with other people in your life in a much more meaningful way, even though it must start by connecting with yourself. If you want the Cliff notes, here are a few key points from it (but trust me, you’ll be glad you watched the video):

• “Connection is why we’re here.” It brings purpose and meaning to our lives. The ability to feel connected is neuro-biologically how we’re wired.
• What causes us to feel disconnected [from others] is often shame—the fear that there might be something about us that makes us unworthy of connection.
• Those people (of hundreds she interviewed) who had a sense of worthiness, love and belonging were those who had the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves and others, and the connection that came from authenticity. “They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were…They fully embraced vulnerability.”

Do you agree with Dr. Brown’s findings? Do you find it hard to embrace vulnerability and let people see the “real you?” Do you agree the ability to do so can make it easier for you to connect with others? Share your thoughts in the Comments below, or join the conversation at Heartspoken’s Facebook Page.

Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher and professor at the University of Houston, Graduate College of Social Work, where she has spent the past ten years studying a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness, posing the questions: How do we engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection we need to embrace our imperfections and to recognize we are enough — we are worthy of love, belonging and joy? Brené is the author of I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power (2007) and The Gifts of Imperfection (2010). Her blog “Ordinary Courage” is well worth your time. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo credit: “Caring Hands” by 001abacus via iStockPhoto.

David Curry, CEO of the Rescue Mission

Welcome to today’s guest blogger, David Curry, who has generously given me permission to re-post this article he wrote for his own blog on 12/08/11 at Rescue Mission. It’s another perspective on the importance of personal notes as an effective connection tool. I love that he describes the habit of personal notewriting to be one that is “extravagantly kind, thoughtful and loving.”

 
Not being overly sentimental, I don’t always keep things to commemorate events and highlights.  One thing that I do keep, however, is some of the handwritten notes, just a few, that people have sent me over the years.  It means something that someone took the time to write a note of thanks or encouragement and send it to me.

Over time our understanding of correspondence has changed.  Writing a letter was once a cherished and important tradition.  Intellectuals and noblemen took time to handle their correspondence with care.  Anyone who has been to Monticello, the estate and home of Thomas Jefferson, will recall his unique and creative mechanism created to help him write his letters and have duplicates made.  Writing notes and letters was part and parcel of his life, as it was with other great thinkers.

Somehow, writing letters became something of the past and we have moved onto emails, texting, and phone calls to do our daily business.  The mail has become something we often dread, delivering bills and junk mail.

Now with mail becoming more expensive and apparently slower, using the mail to deliver correspondence will likely become even more rare.  Processes like this change and morph and we move on.

However, this leaves an open opportunity for you to create a special habit.  The habit of doing something extravagantly kind, thoughtful and loving.  Taking the time to sit down, write out your thoughts, crafting a great note where each word is useful and powerful, and sending it through the mail to a friend.  It’s even better if you use great paper, with a nice pen.

You might say: “I can just send an email.”  Yes, you certainly could.  But the fact that you could do something easier, faster and with no cost to you, and yet you still choose to take the time to write a note will say something about how much you care.

Are there five people in your life that you could bless with a handwritten note, to express your love and encouragment to?

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Elizabeth’s note: Make this the year that you try to write at least one more personal note or letter per month than you do right now.  Let us know in the Comments below if you’re going to embrace this challenge. Or tell us about a note or letter that meant a lot to you in your life. We’re also happy to have you join the conversation at Heartspoken’s Facebook Page, where every Friday, starting in 2012, will be “Notewriting Friday.”

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Our Guest Blogger, David Curry, has been the Chief Executive Officer of the Rescue Mission since 2005. David is a world-renowned expert on the subject of ethical leadership and life transformation. He has addressed diverse groups from the Congress of Peru, social workers in the Amazon jungle and drug recovery programs to Cingular Wireless and AT&T employees. He is known for his simple, exciting lessons on how to face life’s most difficult challenges. Click here for more about David.

Connect with David on TWITTER. Check out the Rescue Mission’s FACEBOOK PAGE.

BOOK REVIEW

Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaiming Your True Nature 

by Martha Beck

New Release December 27, 2011

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” is a truth that will manifest itself over and over as this exciting new book is read and shared and read again.  The number of markers and underlines and margin notes in my preview copy are testaments to the fact I was ready. I devoured it and now am going back to start practicing the many exercises. The book’s purpose is to help you more clearly identify “what you should be doing with your one wild and precious life.”

The author, Martha Beck, has outstanding educational and life experience credentials for writing this book. It is both a sharing of her own life journey as well as a manifesto for anyone ready to embrace their own best life. With a B.A. in East Asian Studies and master’s and Ph.D. degrees in sociology from Harvard University, Beck is a trained observer and analyst. Her coaching specialty is helping people design satisfying and meaningful life experiences. She first got on my radar screen as a columnist for Oprah Magazine, where I am regularly impressed with her no-nonsense, delightfully humorous approach to issues about life’s questions, fears, and psychological roadblocks.

I recently read Beck’s bestselling book Expecting Adam, the story of her 1987-88 pregnancy and giving birth to a Downs syndrome child (new edition in 2011). Its subtitle is “A True Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Everyday Magic.” The unabashed revelation of her own fears, neuroses, and personal/professional challenges at the time was both heart-wrenching and inspiring. Martha has known and overcome tragedy, sadness, and self-limiting thoughts. She is an excellent guide for empowering others to overcome their own life issues. Finding Your Way in a Wild New World is her ultimate guidebook, the best of her teaching and philosophy in one zinger of a book.

Finding Your Way in a Wild New World is not going to resonate with everyone. Some will dismiss it as just another pop cultural self-help book. Others will use terms like “woo-woo” and “New Age nonsense.” They’d be selling it short. I am a devout Christian with an insatiable curiosity and open mind about spirituality and human potential. This book was filled with research-based findings on the power of our connectedness with each other and with all living things in nature (flora and fauna), and I believe people of any faith will find it enriches, rather than contradicts, their core beliefs.

Beck includes many practical exercises for each section of her book, all designed to exercise the parts of our brain that we don’t use enough, to train ourselves to focus our attention, and to tap into the energy that is mostly likely to allow us to find and cultivate our own best selves. They’re designed to get us out of our mental ruts!

Here are some hints that this book might be perfect for you right now:

• If you feel a yearning that you can’t identify or suppress.
• If you feel the need for clarity and purpose in your life.
• If you’re afraid to do things that you think you’d love to do.
• If wild success and abysmal failure both scare you.
• If you feel fragmented with no clear focus in your life.
• If your wild fantasies seem impossible but won’t let you go.
• If you feel you’re about to explode with possibilities and potential but can’t grab on to that one thing that feels just right.
• If you suspect your self-talk is holding you back.
• If you feel like you’re bumping your head against one obstacle after another but you’re certain there’s something better on the other side.
• If you feel the world is changing so fast you can’t keep up.
• If you feel stuck and unproductive.
• If you feel in need of emotional healing before you can move on to your real purpose of healing others.
• If you desperately want to make a difference with the rest of your life but don’t know what on earth you that might “look like.”

If any one of these rings true, you owe it to yourself to read this book. There is a generous excerpt available for free on Amazon. If it doesn’t grab you by the time you finish reading those pages, either the book is not for you or the timing is not right in your life.

If the timing is right for you, you’ll gain clarity, focus, and powerful tools for living abundantly in the best sense of the word.

Dr. Martha Beck

Connect with Martha Beck on Facebook or Twitter.

What books have helped YOU identify your true calling in life? Please share in the comments below or join the conversation on Heartspoken’s Facebook Page.

GIFTS THAT CONNECT Series: This is the first in a series of posts that will turn your gift-giving into a joy-filled connection experience.

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Gift myths busted in recent research…

“Five studies show that gift recipients are more appreciative of gifts they explicitly request than those they do not.” This is the startling conclusion reported by researchers from Harvard and Stanford in the September, 2011 issue of Journal of Experimental Social Psychology ¹. Even more fascinating was the discrepancy between what gift recipients really want and what gift givers think they want.

• Gift givers think their recipients want something extravagant and dramatically or creatively presented.
• What gift recipients really want is something they can use or enjoy…OR something they’ve requested.

I found these conclusions enormously liberating, and so should you!

I’ve always envied those who seem to be so creative in their gift giving. You know the type—the ones who find out you love Italian food and give you an extravagantly stuffed basket of imported food from Italy (in a basket shaped like a gondola), beribboned with the colors of the flag of Italy, delivered in person by an Italian violinist who plays you an Italian love song while you’re opening your gift.

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating, but if choosing gifts is hard for you, you know what I mean.

I am so simple and straightforward and practical; it never even occurs to me to do anything other than consider what might be useful or pleasurable to the recipient of my gift. All these years, I’ve been thinking this was somehow boring, but now it turns out I’ve been doing what most people want. Woohoo!

Is giving money a cop-out?

These studies busted another myth too: Giving money is not as thoughtful as a purchased gift.  Wrong! Cash is both enjoyed and appreciated as much or more.

But they won’t give me a hint!

You’ll still have those people on your gift list who won’t make a request; or they’ll say, “Oh, I don’t need anything!” Here’s how to get unstuck and think of something wonderful for them:

Connect with this person in your imagination; take just a few minutes to think about his life, his habits, and what you know about his likes and dislikes, his reading preferences, his activities and hobbies, his needs or wants. More often than not, you’ll come up with something that will be just the thing.

Brainstorm for the perfect gift.

If you’re still stumped, consider the following:

• If she likes to write notes, get her a box of cards or stationery with some postage stamps.
• If he’s housebound, try a book or DVD movie or a meal delivery.
• If a couple is downsizing with limited space, they might enjoy something edible or a gift to charity in their honor (a cause they embrace)
• Stay-at-Home moms might appreciate some babysitting or a girls’ day out.
• If someone doesn’t drive, take them to the movies or a local concert; offer to take them shopping for clothes.
• If she’s older, give her a gift of your time and make an appointment to show up to help her with whatever is worrying her the most (e.g., cleaning an attic or garage, going through photographs or letters, gathering her favorite recipes for a family cookbook, balancing her checkbook).
• An amaryllis bulb (or other flowering bulb) is a reliable people-pleaser.
• Someone living alone might enjoy a home-cooked meal.
• Mixes for soups, sauces, and casseroles can be just the thing for a busy professional or single person.

Who’s the hardest person to shop for?

Who is the hardest person to shop for on your list and why? Maybe some of our readers can help you out! Share in the comments below or join the conversation at Heartspoken’s Facebook Page.

Check out Heartspoken’s gifts. Our goal for 2012 is to add significantly to the selection, but you’ll find some wonderful and unique items that are sure to be perfect for some of the loved ones on your list.

Photo credit: Kim McLeod, Cann River, Victoria, Australia via Stock.Xchng

Note: This article was originally written for my Facebook Group, “Revive the art of personal note-writing!”

Steve Leveen is doing his best to keep the flame of personal note writing alive in his article from The Huffington Post: “The Digital Grinch has Stolen our Christmas Cards.”

Steve is one of my favorite writers. He blogs at The Well-Read Life and is CEO of  Levenger. In this article, he offers tips to make our personal handwritten missives more enjoyable and less stressful. I loved this particular section, and even the “youngsters” among you will appreciate it:

 
So, my friends, I embrace Steve’s call to action and will no longer consider myself just an opinion-bearer on the topic of personal note-writing. I am a Torch Bearer, and am honored to see you by my side. Together, our light will be ever brighter!

Do you still include personal notes when you send holiday cards? Why or why not? We love getting comments below, or join the conversation at Heartspoken’s Facebook Page.

May your holidays be joyful, and may you and yours be blessed, happy, and healthy—now and throughout the New Year.

If you struggle with note writing, be sure to get my free Secret NOTES System. This report will teach you to write heartspoken personal notes that encourage, inspire, and comfort. Fill in your valid email address in the right sidebar of this page, confirm your email, and you’ll have the report link within minutes.

Photo credit: Daniel Troutman Photography, Jefferson, OR, via iStockPhoto.com

I have two short connection messages today.

Here in the United States, we celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday, and my heart is full as I count my blessings. My husband and I will step on an airplane in the morning to visit our son and his wife in Texas. I haven’t seen them since last Thanksgiving! Our daughter and her husband will be driving in from New Mexico to meet us for Thanksgiving, so I’m a happy Mama!

My connection message is simply to practice gratitude every day, not just at Thanksgiving. Dig deep inside and connect with those precious blessings. Being truly grateful for those good things in our lives is a powerful magnet for inner peace and joy. Even in the midst of tragedy or sadness, the conscious exercise of identifying something for which we are thankful can be remarkably healing.

The second thing I want to share today is a very short (less than two minutes) video that Laura Roeder shared with her students this morning. Kevin Spacey’s powerful message is that if we’re looking for the “Ultimate Prize” (success, happiness, etc.) outside ourselves, we’re missing an essential connection in our life. The connection we need to make is with the inner knowledge of what we want in life and why we want it. “If you feel you have something to give—if you feel that your particular talent is worth developing, is worth caring for—then there’s nothing you can’t achieve.”

So regardless of your circumstances, go forth in gratitude, and whatever your talent or your gifts may be (Don’t forget that your smile and your attention are valuable gifts too), share them today with whomever you meet. The world needs them!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I’m grateful for YOU.

Photo credit: “Warchi” via iStockPhoto

I am inspired this morning by my friend and artist Kelly Walker’s blog post entitled “Art Matters.” Kelly is a “working artist.” She works to hone her innate talent. She works at her shop, Delilah’s Gallery, to offer beautiful pieces for sale. She works to share her love and appreciation for painting and art of all kinds. She works to support the arts in our region. She works to connect with children and aspiring artists to help them discover their own creativity and talent. I see connection insights everywhere in her message!

Art—artistic endeavor in any form—can be a powerful connection tool. It connects us with our own creativity. It connects us with the time and circumstances that inspired the artist. It connects us with the artist’s message in its creation. It connects us with our own emotions and thoughts about what we’re seeing and the world around us. A gift of art can often convey love and meaning to the recipient in a way that is hard to express in words.

Mary Boone, in a 2008 article for the Huffington Post called “Why Art Matters,” made a statement that resonates powerfully in today’s difficult economic environment: “Looking at art, we reconnect with our inner spirit, a spirit that is rich in thoughts, feelings, and dreams, a spirit that can’t be bankrupted, no matter what is happening in the financial markets.” She goes on to quote John F. Kennedy, shortly before his death in 1963, when he said, “We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.”

British art critic Peter Fuller, in an article found on the Art Influence website (Peter Fuller Memorial Foundation), says, “Art can make us better at seeing and enhance our enjoyment of being in the world.”

The next time you need a change of scenery, visit your local art museum or art gallery. You’ll undoubtedly see things that you don’t like or understand, but you’ll treat your right brain to some sensory stimulation. And who knows…you may see something that totally transforms the way you see your life.

Has a work of art ever caused a shift in your thinking or perspective…or connected you with knowledge or feelings you weren’t expecting? I’d love to hear about it! Comment below or join the conversation at Heartspoken’s Facebook page.

Photo credit: “Paint brushes in a row” by “dp_photo” via iStockPhoto