The recent celebration of Labor Day and the 10th anniversary of 9/11 are good times to think about heroes — those people who have exhibited unusual courage in the face of challenge and hardship. We have national heroes, of course, but we should have personal heroes too, and I challenge you to celebrate the hero inside of yourself as well.

I was honored to be invited to submit an essay about my personal heroes to the latest book from The Gratitude Book Project: A Celebration of Personal Heroes. It’s a free e-book, and I hope you’ll download and enjoy it, along with the complimentary Gratitude Journal which you can also download. My essay  – in honor of my mother and father, Jim and Betty Herbert — is on page 61, but I posted it earlier today as a separate blog post here at Heartspoken: “The Courage to Age Gracefully.”

So who is your personal hero. Please share below and tell us why.

I believe there is a hero in each of us…usually evident when we least expect it and in response to a challenge or hard situation. Trust your inner hero and celebrate him/her when the time comes. You are stronger than you think!

This piece was originally published in The Gratitude Book Project: In Celebration of Personal Heroes, a special, free e-book in commemoration of Sept. 11, 2001. If you have trouble downloading it, email me at eliz…@heartspoken.com and I’ll send it to you.

 
My mother and father, ages 87 and 93, are my personal heroes for so many reasons, but I admire them especially at this time in their lives for choosing to embrace the challenges of aging with extraordinary courage, grace, and humor.

“I want to live until I die,” has been my father’s mantra, and they have both lived fully and joyfully in spite of health challenges and the psychological pressures of age that seem to defeat those who are less robust in their outlook on life. Whoever said “Growing old is not for sissies” certainly had it right.

The cynic would say they have no choice…age is staring them right in the face and will happen whether they want it to or not. That’s true, but what makes them remarkable is they have chosen to:

• Keep moving and stay physically active.
• Take control of the things in their lives they can control and accept the things they can’t.
• Keep thinking and reading and conversing.
• Cultivate friendships and be good friends to others.
• Stay involved in the lives of their children and grandchildren.
• Accept invitations and have fun.
• Practice generosity.
• Dwell on the positive.

They are fun to be around, and they are beloved by their family and friends.

Mom and Dad are my personal heroes only partly because their choices have made my life easier and minimized my need to make decisions for them. The real reason is they have given me – and everyone who knows them – a precious gift of hope…hope that as WE get to the years when Mother Nature seems to take away so much, we, too, can reach down into those deep reserves of courage, faith, and love for the strength to face whatever lies ahead.

Mom and dad, I salute you, with gratitude and so much love.

Great news!

As an official co-author of The Gratitude Book Project: Celebrating Moms and Motherhood, I want to share my gratitude with you with a special offer at the end of this blog post!

I was so excited to take part in this book, because thinking about having a wonderful mother — and now having a beautiful daughter — is so much a part of understanding who I am and connecting with what’s important to me.

You won’t be surprised that my entry, entitled “My Mother’s Gift” (page 193) is about the Power of Connection and the way my mother has always connected with me and my siblings in wonderful ways. It is also about other kinds of connection:

“The thread that connects us [me, my mother, and my daughter] is not just genetic. It is a thread of love and mutual respect as well as our connection to a larger web of wonderful women: sisters, sisters-in-law, daughters-in-law, aunts, and grandmothers.”

Inspiring stories from the book also include:

The Ritual, by Maureen Huntley: Maureen writes in appreciation about “the ritual” that her and her mother would not miss: getting manicures, pedicures and Starbuck’s lattes and then enjoy the sailboats drifting across the lake.  Two best friends that adored every last minute together, and not taking a single moment for granted.

And also:

A Drop of Love, by Laura Accardo-Williams: Laura expresses her gratitude towards her mother for giving her the capability to love her son so much.  Her mother passed on a “life-long legacy of love” to her which makes her want to honor her mother today, and everyday, because of her capacity to love. As a mother, her love has blossomed so much that what she felt as a child, was merely a “drop” of what she feels now.

I like to think that this book is the perfect gift for many special women in your life!

It is the ultimate Mother’s Day gift (and special for new or expectant mothers too). Pick up your copy of “my book” today on Amazon! http://amzn.to/gFZ30Z. Proceeds from national Amazon sales will go to Women for Women International, an organization that provides women survivors of war, civil strife and other conflicts with the tools and resources to move from crisis and poverty to stability and self-sufficiency, thereby promoting viable civil societies.

SPECIAL OFFER:

 

Gratitude Ambassador Badge

Since we’re trying to reach “Bestseller” status by boosting sales on Tuesday, May 3, 2011, I want to make it fun. If you purchase one or more of these books any time to midnight on Tuesday, May 3, 2011, I’ll send you a set of Jackie Catterton’s beautiful watercolor notecards. To redeem this offer, just email me a copy of your Amazon receipt to elizabethc@heartspoken.com with “Mom Gratitude Offer” in the Subject line.

The Gratitude Book Project: Celebrating 365 Days of Gratitude

“The Blues” can be like those nasty sticker bushes you sometimes encounter when you’re out taking a walk…they grab you and cling to you… and they hurt!

Holidays often play tricks on us…they should be happy times, and often they are, but “the blues” can creep in unexpectedly, especially if it’s the first holiday after losing a loved one, if your children can’t get home this year, if you’re feeling afraid or alone or stressed. And then, of course, sometimes real, diagnosable depression can grip us like a wild animal and refuse to let go. If there’s a chance the latter is going on, please seek help or at least talk to someone.

If it’s just “the blues”, however, a conscious gratitude inventory can really help. Stop what you’re doing, pull out a sheet of paper, and start writing down the things for which you’re grateful. Anything, big and small…trivial and important. Sometimes you have to start with the little things to prime the pump for remembering other things. Sometimes you feel so blue that it’s hard even to get started, but do it anyway. Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky gives us research-based support for link between Gratitude and Happiness¹.

I’m honored to have my writing included in The Gratitude Book Project: Celebrating 365 Days of Gratitude². My entry called ” Fresh Starts and Connections” was selected for the March 1 entry.  All national proceeds from the book will go to four great charities: ASPCA, FeedAmerica, Make-a-Wish Foundation, and Women for Women International.

Taking stock of your blessings is a great way to connect with yourself. When we realize that loved ones or acts of kindness to us are among those blessings, we strengthen our connection with others. Now, go one step further, and express your appreciation…to that person or God/Source.

My wish for each precious reader is that your holiday season and New Year will be filled with Gratitude and Blessings!

Book Review: Everyone Communicates, Few Connect by John C. Maxwell

John Maxwell is a great communicator–especially as a public speaker–so when this intriguing title crossed my radar screen, right at the time I was developing this blog about the Power of Connection, of course I checked it out. At the time, it was not yet published…Mr. Maxwell had decided to try a new writing model and put up one chapter at a time on his blog for his followers to read, review, and critique. He promised to consider all comments before making his final edits. By the time I knew of it, he was on his last chapters. I did make a comment and he did include me in the list of contributors.

The premise of this book is twofold:

1) There’s a difference between communicating and connecting in a meaningful way; and

2) Anyone, regardless of their personality, “people skills,” or natural talents can learn to be a better communicator, whether in personal or professional relationships.

This book, for me, was well worth reading, as evidenced by the highlighting and number of book nibs I left attached to is pages. It could have used more judicious editing, however, to avoid repetition, and a layout person could have helped the reader with some improved formatting. The chapter by Maxwell’s writer, Charlie Wetzel, was intended to help us know Maxwell better as a fine person. While it did give a different glimpse of Maxwell (who by all accounts is truly a really genuine, warm person who lives what he preachers), it seemed a bit like a commercial inserted into the book and would have been better as a separate section for bio and/or testimonials.

Having said all that, however, the nuggets of wisdom, the wonderful illustrative–and often humorous–stories, the great quotations from other leaders, and the “can-do” attitude Maxwell conveys to the reader were all excellent. He successfully made the case that an effort to improve one’s communication skills can “take their relationships, their work, and their lives to another level.” I especially recommend this to someone trying to improve their public speaking skills.

The underlying sub-theme throughout is that we must approach everything we do with the belief that people are valuable, and all the connecting skills we need to cultivate are merely ways to convey that sense of appreciation and valuation of people to them in whatever way we interact. Whether we”re communicating with loved ones, co-workers, clients, or an audience, we need to care about–and try to understand–their needs and wants BEFORE we start. If we come to the engagement with only a desire to promote our own self-interests, we’ve missed a golden opportunity.”To add value to others, one must first value others.”

“What former South African president Nelson Mandela said is true: ‘If you talk to a man in the language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.’ The bottom line is that indifference is really a form of selfishness.”

One “Aha” piece of the book for me was in his discussion about the importance of having passion for whatever you’re trying to convey, and he distinguishes passion from emotion. He suggests that before you speak to people, you should ask yourself these questions:

1) Do I believe what I say?
2) Has it changed me?
3) Do I believe it will help others?
4) Have I seen it change others?

“If you can answer yes to those questions you’ll do more than just light a fire under people. You will build a fire within them! If you have that fire. it will ignite others.”

There are lots of practical tips here on ways to prepare for an engagement with someone and ways to be a better communicator. Perhaps more than anything, Maxwell is trying to make us understand that our attitude towards others is critical, and once we get that right, the rest flows more naturally. Nothing new here in the realm of self-help, but Maxwell’s style is engaging and personable, and his stories often went that extra mile to help teach something important.

Please use the Comments section to share your thoughts about connecting.

Click here to buy this book from Amazon.com.

Book Review: Still Alice by Lisa Genova

“This is a phenomenal book,” my friend Kay said as she loaned it to me. “Oh, good,” I replied. “What’s it about?” “Well, it’s about a woman with early onset Alzheimer’s.” She paused, knowing how unappealing that must have sounded. “I promise you, it’s worth reading.”

If ANYONE else but this particular friend had said that, I would have passed on it, imagining that they just liked tear-jerkers and emotionally heavy books (I usually don’t). Thank goodness I read it. It’s a book that changes you, makes you more compassionate for the issues facing everyone in the family of an Alzheimer’s patient, makes you more grateful for every healthy day you have, and inspires you to believe that you could, as this family in the story did, navigate the rough shoals of a dementia-like disease with love as the only guide. While heartbreaking, this story is strangely uplifting, and I believe it is an enormously important contribution to the public’s understanding and awareness of this disease. Never again will I avoid interacting with someone I know who suffers from dementia.

Dr. Alice Howland, 50 years old, is a cognitive linguistics professor at Harvard and a world expert in linguistics. She dismisses her initial memory lapses until the day she gets lost a few blocks from her home on a run that she has taken daily for years. The reader is taken into the surreal world of her initial awareness and analysis, through the trials and fears of seeking help and diagnosis, into the reactions of her successful husband and two grown daughters, and on to the fascinating and excruciating unraveling of life as she knew it, while hanging on desperately to what it is that makes her “Still Alice.” Besides the author’s masterful depiction of Alice’s experience, she gives us an extremely compassionate appreciation for the husband and daughters’ viewpoints and emotional reactions to the disease and to Alice’s increasingly unpredictable behavior.

The author is herself a Harvard neuroscientist and online columnist for the National Alzheimer’s Association. The testimonials from professionals and volunteers who work in the field of Alzheimer’s treatment and research are proof that she “got it right.”

I agree with the back-cover quote from a Boston Globe critic named Beverly Beckham: “After I read Still Alice, I wanted to stand up and tell a train full of strangers, ‘You have to get this book.’”

Connection Reflections

If you have never had a close-up experience with dementia, this book will help you be more compassionate when you encounter someone experiencing it. Reach out to them. Look for threads of awareness and normalcy, and don’t be put off by odd affect or inappropriate responses or behavior.

This book also reminded me of the toll this disease takes on caretakers and family members of a dementia patient. Their loved one’s behavior can be both maddening and heartbreaking, and they must deal with their own loss and adjustment as well as help their loved one. If we know someone in this position, they desperately need understanding and help.

Another compelling message of hope is that when the unthinkable happens in our lives — to ourselves or to a loved one — there seem to be inner reserves of strength and courage that can be called on.

Please share your thoughts on this book or on its content in our Comments section below.