Welcome to guest blogger and Relationship Mentor, Sarah Anma. When I read the words “We don't need drama. We need connection,” I knew this was something to share with my Heartspoken readers.
When we think rationally, we would never say out loud that we “need” drama. In fact, most people would state that they avoid it like the plague. And yet, we shake our fists at a driver that cuts us off. Or we roll our eyes at a friend. Or we pick a fight with our beloved.
We don’t need drama. We need connection. We long for the feeling of belonging and loving. Often, when we don’t meet that need, we make mischief in order to achieve something! If we attempt to connect with our beloved and they are unavailable, it is all too easy to resort to a childish antic to get attention at whatever cost.
As a rehabilitating Drama Mama, the drama gets more and more subtle. As we shine the light of awareness, it can go underground so that it is harder to detect.
I still must be diligent about “poking the bear” as I put it. If I am in an emotionally immature state and don’t have the awareness to see that I am not getting my way, I may make some mischief to get a reaction, just to be sure that I still matter. I do not endorse this method!
Drama is addictive and flammable. When someone speaks of bad news and the listener gasps in horror that is putting gasoline on the drama-fire. Drama loves to be fed with re-enactments, exaggeration, and company.
This lousy and saccharine substitute for actual connection is dangerous to our well-being and the well-being of others.
Here are some signals of drama:
- Worry or fantasy about things that are unknown/unseen and can’t be acted upon.
- Taking on someone’s side to the point where you are having the same or larger emotional response as the person who is actually involved.
- “Poking the bear” or making mischief in a relationship when things were going well.
- Blaming someone else for our unhappiness.
Drama gets us off the hook for personal responsibility. If someone else is at fault or there is yet another “emergency,” then always we have an opportunity to shirk any responsibility for our own happiness.
Why would we do that? Because it takes a darn lot of courage to be happy and create a life that continues to grow and expand in that direction.
Can you see where drama has been holding you back? Are there areas where you could substitute vulnerability instead and get a more meaningful result? When you engage in drama, can you see it a little sooner and clean up any mess that may have been caused? Can you see where emotional immaturity is simply another form of fear of intimacy?
Sarah Anma, Relationship Mentor, is founder of Art of Relationship which provides a proven step-by-step system for optimum relationships. She helps frustrated singles figure and loving and committed couples to create and grow the love life beyond their wildest dreams. To get your free CD, “How to Attract and Grow the Love of Your Life,” and receive weekly tips and tools visit http://www.artofrelationship.net.
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